I have loved you selfishly 

for the ways I could not see

beyond what I had seen before

in the ways I begged for blue

then chose to call those colours

by other names

I have loved you selfishly

in the ways that I have grown

and had to heal myself

and ask to many times

for the space to make amends

I have loved you selfishly

in that there is no balancing now

that I have received

more than what was given

and still believed that it was

just the other way

and now when all goes fragile

and I stand holding all these gifts

I wish that I could trade them

for the chance to have known 

what love was 

when love was there

and all I had to do was see