Monday, July 25, 2016

will transcend
when the actualization
of intuitionalization
triumphs over
the cognitive dissonance
of the rationalization
of institutionalization

Sunday, July 10, 2016

the problem with man-u-fractured
is that it makes a factory
out of man
replacing the hu[e]
and the being--
the colour
and the spirit
of being
a hu-man-being

Wine and Blood

they say wine
is the blood of Christ
but look where the wine
has got us
and what the blood
of martyrs has done
with manufactured
and indoctrinated violence
guiding us to our graves

what if we just agree
that to suffer for the people
should come from humility
and we don't need
fermented joy
confined within a flask

but if we're going to
suffer for the people
make sure
we remember how to laugh
because there is nothing
worth suffering for
but love

and the world
has never been
a better place
because of martyrs
drunk on wine
and their own blood

I've always said that wisdom
was more important
than happiness
or love
or peace
because I've lived
so much without

but what is the point
of wisdom
if not to attain these things

when to live without
a sense of each
is to go without
a sense of wisdom too

Saturday, July 9, 2016

maybe it's not about
how much time
I spend in my head
but the time I spend
revolving and devolving
as the flip side of evolving
when it's up to me to decide
if I want to dance
with the wounds that bring me
downward in descension
or court the clarity
in the perceptions
of truth and healing
that raise transcendent
in ascension

Tuesday, July 5, 2016

Half Life

I lived half my life
with my spirit separated
from my body

I'm living this half
with my body separated
from my spirit

in the conversion of
zombie turned to ghost
and it's all about
escaping the pain

like the more of me
there is to feel
the more it gets too crowded
so I'm running it all
on a time share
kind of scheme

but then maybe the pain
isn't really so much to take
when it gets dispersed
between the both
of the body and the spirit

I think I'll have to
try that out
in the half
that comes after
the half I'm living now

Saturday, June 25, 2016

the only constant
that deserves consistency
is the desire to live
a good life

because sometimes hypocrisies
and inconsistencies
are not a lack of character
but the courage
to constantly seek
a better way

do not mistake the man
of fixed convictions
for one
who completely knows
his mind

when the fixed and unchanging
may master the simplicities
of their cognitive dissonance
constructed on foundations
of convenient lies

but the man with courage
to question himself
and let what emerges
from the mind
do battle with itself

and yet still can welcome
with the flexibility
to accommodate and host
the ever changing new
will always find himself
a little closer
to the truth

Thursday, June 23, 2016

pummelled by the light of stars
when all that I know how to be
is a shadow in the dark
a secret and hiding heart
with wolve's teeth to keep it warm
shielding with the viscosity
of its own blood
like there could be any outcome
other than the exposure that comes
when you pray to be really seen
but never have a say
on the parts where the illumination
is going to shine
and what is often seen the first
are the places you have hidden
so deep and dark
your eyes cannot withstand
the light that comes to touch
what has become comfortably blind
in the absence of the stars

if I come off as untrue
maybe that's just what comes
as the residual side effect
in inauthentic's form
when authentic means
the inconsistency
of feeling whatever it is
I feel
when I don't understand
or even know
what the hell it is
I feel

Standing Eight Counts

a fighter taught me once
we don't ask for mercy here
you stand your eight counts
when you gotta
but you don't drop down
upon your knees
so that I am learning even to pray
standing on my feet
to be ready to dance toward
an answer when it comes

and the ones
who will never pull a punch
are a blessing when you meet
cause it's the ones who get you
up against the ropes
who teach you to be quicker
on those feet
when there's no telling
what life is going to bring
so all you can do
is train to always win
where the battles are only lost
against the self
and never what you're up against

and in the scheme of things
there's only one way out
of this here ring
and so you have to learn
to take the blows hard upon the chin
and transmute the wounds to scars
or spend the hours on the mats
dying of the self-infliction
of the cowards and the weak
who don't know what it is
to face and then survive
and inherit from experience
the alchemy it takes to rise

no I won't ask for mercy
just gotta catch my breath
and while I'm standing eight counts
I'm sending up the warriors' prayer
that I will honour all the blows
that I have ever taken
and the places they came from
with the wisdom and the lesson
in what they had to teach
until I'm no longer a fighter
fighting against myself
but a dancer to my heartbeat
and the choreography of what it takes
to find the resilience and the grace
in every single test

Sunday, June 19, 2016

modern society
and its days with names
putting the consumerism
in the connection
and taking money
for the meaning
removing rituals
from their proper time
leaving us with disjointed
rites of loneliness
and mass market marginalization
when we don't quite fit
the status quo

billboard assaults
and TV indoctrination
misappropriation that imprints
its varying shades
of Stockholm Syndrome
tattooed on our souls
so that we plug a little further in
to the empire of New Rome
and celebrate the selling
of our own hard labour
to appease the Hallmark gods
with the thorough replication
of their plastic alters
of storefront windows
in our homes

and if that can't be done
just right
you can always buy
a magic make-it-better potion
and a special little pill
or gorge yourself
on genetically altered
poisoned processed feasts
designed to make you
Type 2 numb

but you'll be fine
if you remember the cure
is to buy buy buy
until you fit right in
or can hide the fact
you can't quite squeeze
into the one size fits all dictation
of where they've exploited
what is closest to our hearts
then found a way to market
our emotions back to us

and if the emotions
don't fit just right
for the day that they proclaim
they'll catch you
with the purported
alleviation of alienation
guaranteed as advertised
because everybody pays
for their celebration
or their pain
when it comes 
to the days with names

Friday, June 17, 2016

it isn't when we lose our minds
that we go crazy

it's when we wake up
and realize how long it's been gone
and how much of it is missing
and where it went
and get to wondering how in the hell
we're going to get it back

that's when the madness sets in

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

they say people don't know
when they're crazy

I know

in this perpetual motion
of insanity
where the clearer
the madness gets
the more of it I have
and the more of it I have
the clearer everything gets

maybe madness isn't about
losing your mind
but learning to use it better
because madness
is a thinking man's disease

and insanity
is just what naturally happens
when you can clearly see
the craziness of the world
and have to accept
the logical responsibility
in the knowing
that you're a part of that

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

maybe sometimes
dreams and aspirations
belong only to the ghost parts of us
when the toxicity of being human
can't find its way back
close enough to pure
for the manifestation of vision
and the human that reaches for the dream
can do nothing
but haunt the ghosts

Monday, June 13, 2016

in a world where people have sex
while they figure out if they want to date
where people share intimate details
while they decide if they want to talk
and then call that "friends"
when everything is moving
contrary to the natural order of things
it isn't fatalistic
but realistic
to think that while everyone is waiting
for the next step
there isn't too many places to go
but to regress
in the slow downward spiral
of the disease of digression
in the breaking apart of the fibres
of human connection
what is not living
is dying

the difference
being found
not in the distinction
between pain and joy
but in the details that emerge
deeper into our consciousness
and the choices we make
between embracing
or fading to numb

so that what is not
permitted to grow
has been encouraged
to die

Friday, June 3, 2016

why do they call the free market
when nothing in it is free

except that it's a free for all
for the powers that be
who are free
to market anything they want
with a price just above
what the majority can't afford

selling us out
until we buy into the notion
that to be a part of the free world
you have to declare your life
as allegiance
to the prepackaged dream
of their advertised free

so that nothing in this life is free
especially free

I'm toxic as hell
just ask anyone
who tried to love me
but couldn't

and then others say
I'm a light
and bring me their needs
to be prayed for
and loved

and I can't tell
what the heck makes
the difference

is it what I have
or don't have to give
or maybe what they're
willing to offer
or what they
can't stand to lose

sometimes I think
the difference is in
the ones who really see me
and the ones who don't
with the seers knowing enough
to be afraid
and the ones who don't
being comfortably blind
when all that's on the line
is a temporary moment of need

or maybe it's all in what people
want me to be
and how well I deliver up
the version of me
that they seek

either way
the ones who don't want me
still want to feel close
when they need to feel close
to just the right amount
of anonymity that won't ask
for anything back

and the ones who want me
don't want me too close
because close can only be close
when it ain't

there is still so much
I need to know
gasping for clarity
between the tsunami of dreams
and the earthquakes
of encrypted whispers
and echoes

I have always known the things
I can't quite remember
when I've been remembering you
in my dreams
since memory was given to me
in this consciousness here

and I am remembering still
even with you moved on
into the next place
where I will find you
to meet again
carrying more questions with me
than I had before I had
these fragmented answers

and the only things I know
for certain
are that old soldiers
remember more
than they can bear
and less than they have done
and this here is illusion
with the reality being love
that transcends questions
and answers and memories
partial and full
and remembers the only answer
it needs to know
is love

Wednesday, June 1, 2016

they brought the devil
on a ship named Shame
first to my ancestors
and then to yours
unpacking their portable Hells
on the banks of our shores
like bio weapons
to infect our DNA
lodged as spores
inside our minds

do not believe them
when they say
shame is the inoculation
that keeps the Devil at bay
when the power of our shame
is what gives their Satan its form
and the only hell we have to fear
is the cage we construct
with the inauthentic
and the struggle to hide
that we fall short
not of what we truly want
but what we think we have to be

Hell exists first
inside the dimension
behind the eyes
and then is recreated externally
by the nightmares we pass off
to ourselves and to others
under the disguise of dreams
when they are only
fights and flights from terrors
and not pursuits of glories
we seek to manifest
and inflict upon this Earth

Heaven is a place
where we make peace
with our truths
and shame becomes
as much illusion
as the imaginary devils
we let take space and haunt
the sacred temples
of the holiness of our being

so if possession
by the devil is evil
why let the concept of sin
poses you at all
when you are free
to possess yourself
under the sovereignty
of your truth

Monday, May 30, 2016

the world says
I gotta love myself
before it's going to love me back
and I gotta get used
to being lonely
before I don't have to be alone
when all the love it took away
is the worst it ever gave

and I thought if I gave up
the buffer zones I used
to keep from feeling it
cut so deep
I'd get motivated
to change my world
but now I'm paralyzed
and bleeding out
and I have to go without
medical attention or mercy
until I learn how
to show enough courtesy
not to bleed

and if I figure out
how not to hurt
the world has promised
it will love me
but only if I'm a good girl
who has learned
it's my fault and up to me to change
the next time
it slaps me in the face again

then it will love me back
but only if I don't flinch

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

I know that I'm my own problem
but the problem with me
is that I was born
with these eyes
fixed pointing outward
and the problem with those
on the outside
who can see
is they see the problem
with me
and the problem with that
is it's nobody's problem
but mine

stuck on repeat
like a one act play
playing itself over
and over again
where the actors may change
but rarely the roles
cast as the fifth business
in my own life
unable to protagonise
a new plot
with half blinded eyes
that never see
the full picture
in what I am playing out
so that what is off centre
remains as beyond perception
as the details of the audience
sitting distant in the shadows
while I'm so hungry for the light
all I know to do
is stand and say the lines
so memorized I have forgotten how
to improvise anything other than
what this character
was written to be
when the actor can only remember
the role it was directed to play
and not the actor itself
and destiny gets confined
to descending denouement

Tuesday, May 24, 2016

the difference between
dream and fantasy
comes down to courage

if your heart never 
threatened to kill you
with its own electrical pulse
as you stood on the cliff
wondering how your wings 
would ever hold
and then jumped anyway

it never was a dream
but only a little opiation
to get you through your day
because if it isn't fantasy
it makes you pay 
in the currency of adrenalin
so that you must match
a fear to overcome
for every ounce 
it means to you

Monday, May 23, 2016

we see so little
of what is really real
so that we run around
filling in the blanks
with our own fears
and fantasies
and then we falsely
proclaim those to be
intelligence and intuition
because somehow that is easier
than working on the connection
of deeper communication
and opening our imaginations
beyond the limits of the walls
we've constructed for ourselves
and learning to live
within the world of truths
our constraints
have blinded us
to see

18 May (middle of the night)

I can see us
building sandcastles on the shore
not as girls who can only cry
over the crumbling inevitability
or rejoice at the spectacle of destruction
but as women wild with life
who hunger to be drawn beneath
the mystery of the waves
to see how far our depth can go

or as dancers under boardwalk lights
drunk and giddy
with the ebb and flow of moon
and swooning with the sound
of wolf howls emerging from the caverns
of our subterranean throats
fiercely threatening without intended threat
to the civil civility of the civilized
for the untamed in our eyes
and the unapologetic nature of our cries
that we don't give a damn

throwing our voices out carelessly
so they might reach
the sailers lost at sea
as witches or as sirens
or whatever they might dream

when we'll be only weavers
of baskets out of reeds
to catch the tired and failing
of every woman lush as fruit
ripe and falling from the trees
and with the resilience of our leaves
that don't just shed when they are tired
but have learned to bud again
let us be as makers
of ancient sacred salves
to soothe the bruising of our sisters
that are only seen by women's eyes
and nurse the hunger of their infants
born into this world
with knowing in the DNA
that there is danger if you cry
more than if you stand to starve

and let our backs be sturdy
with willows grown up through our spines
to carry our grandmothers
from imposing prisons
of the cartographic cage
of the patriot patriarchy known as wars
to the places where the waves make safe
and erode each line of border
that sailors sailed the seas
to draw there in the sand

when we're the singers
who do not sing temptation
but swim within creation
of the languages of truth
that open hearts to hear
knowing that each of us
has not one lonely and senseless tune
but rather her own synergetic part
of the harmony of the song
Creation sings
and let those songs join us all as women
moulded as a million grains of sand
held together in one single shell

and then when we forget
that there is mystery yet
calling for us to come to build
our castles of bitter/sweet impermanence
to erase the boundaries
of how defiance is defined
and dare do what we can
we can hold the shell up to our ears
and remember that the journey
was never about the lasting height
our imaginations can achieve
but how far what we have crafted
can be absorbed into the deep

Sunday, May 15, 2016

my mother said my birth
was easy
that I came into this world
in only a few hours

but I have been emerging
into this unearthing
slowly through all these years
of pain and exhilaration
of ecstasy and fear

learning to surrender
to the journey
pushed by the contractions
of adversity
and swimming toward
the light

greeting the voices
in the beyond
coming into focus

searching out the balance
in the ebb and flow
of ancestral whispers
come as electricity
through the cord
that cannot be cut

and I will be birthing
as the moon unwraps itself
until I birth again
back into celestial womb
beyond the curtain
of stardust
from which we're made

an ocean with a thirsty mouth
straining toward the shore
to be drawn back and gathered
once again
coming alive
with every breath and heartbeat
and the journey
of each earthly step

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

everyone keeps talking
about the broken

who are these broken people
when people are either wounded
or scarred or healing or healed
evolving or devolving or revolving
the way the animate do
and in truth even the inanimate
objects of this world
are never really broken
only in a change of state

unless by broken you mean
cease to perform
their desired function

in which case people still
cannot be broken
except by capitalistic definitions
of what purpose is
as laid out by external perceptions

because the only true purpose
of the state of being human
is to navigate the change
maybe only the truth questions itself
like weeding its own garden
thinning what doesn't produce
and uprooting what's only been
hanging around to deprive the rest
of space and soil
and water and light

but lies are like GMO
prepackaged processed crap
cheap and on sale
and never enough
so that they need to constantly
tinker and manipulate
the DNA of themselves
with more sugar
so they can claim less fat

and if it has to have a label
to tell you it's healthy
it's probably not

Monday, May 2, 2016

I spend these days now
in forests and in barns
and anywhere I can hear
the music of Creation
without the voice of man
because that is where
I hear your voice
coming through as love
from far across the veil
and where I can finally feel
the tickle of the germination
of all the seeds
you left imbedded in my heart
the intimate whispers
between butterflies and milkweed
the miracle of innocence
being born
and the spectre of ancient spirits
who come out to dance
while the birds remain
undaunted and resilient
with their songs
because you were all
these things to me
and if I stay too long
amongst the chattering of men
I am scared that I will lose you
and the darkness of disappointment
left in the vacuum's wake
will turn me cold with anger
and blind to all the beauty
you once painted for me in songs
until my eyes could open far enough
that I could see it too

Missing you today my Starshine Blue. 

Sunday, May 1, 2016

29 April 2016

sometimes the tangles
aren't in my head after all
sometimes the tangles are external
and a part of the sickness
infecting the universe
so sorting out what the hell is going on
just winds up making me sick

sometimes I have to trust my own clarity
because the sickness
wants me to think it is me
so I tangle my own head
and become bound
by its external false perceptions
and infected with my own self-confusion

Saturday, April 9, 2016

there are no photographs
of us together
except for in my heart
those pictures of us both
lonely and thirsty
and insecure with a lifetime
of misunderstanding

hiding in the dark
seeking a place to be what we are
in the hours of the night
where the noise of the world
surrendered to the peace
to be as what we were

and then colliding
the two of us
in that dream
familiar in the scent
of lives lived so many times
in tandem
we could not will ourselves
away from the knowing
of each other

where we have learned
that to find oasis
is to rediscover the one
who dares to drink our waters
and satiate themselves with the risk
of offering the last few drops
that they have left to give

so that when we drank of each
we painted pictures inside
a heart of our creation
and more than me becoming you
or you transforming into me
we reunited with the womb
of our lost mother
but also created the promise
of a child that we could be

a spirit and a home
where we can live forever
just as one
no matter where you exist
and I must be
more permanent than the colours 
stamped on the fragile paper
of a photograph

in the ethereal monument
that lives and breathes and grows
with the love we remembered
how to share
and all the eternal nights we have given
the last of our light
just to taste the few drops left
of the sacrifice of love
that offers itself
only to keep the entity of itself

Tuesday, December 8, 2015

while the world circles around you
singing loud with love
and gratitude
let me creep in between 
these secret lines
to lay beside you
just to hear the sound 
of your breath
and the beat of your heart
and bring you the song
of mine

here in this way
as a ghost
without the flesh
to offer warmth to you
but only these words
that play at being light
reaching out to kiss
starlight in the night

because if all we have
are energies
that ever can remain
these energies of my love
are whispering now
the secrets of their depth
dressed not 
in the made from earth
but these songs 
made of the breath and beat
of the heart inside
the spirit
of my heart
I hear the waft waft 
of wings all around
beating rhythms of the wind
fanning these flames
of this fire that drowns
in sizzle and burn
and rises again
up and down
dancing as hungry
and satiated
and roaring in love
birthing embers of eternity
and glowing and warmth
combusting beyond
the contained
raging beyond
the waned
and every flame
dancing here in this heart
is the spirit of you

Monday, December 7, 2015

here I stand on the cliff 
of the unknown known
as hollow bone as I
have ever been
waiting for when you rise
and I will leap
into the blue
where spiritual wings
are grown
and fear is only natural
but on the other side
of fear
is where the knowing
transforms from unknown
into known
and while I am learning
to fly down here
you will be the ethereal light
that warms my wings
from inside out
and outside in
the solar wind
a place to begin 
as something new
without an end
in all my breaths
are dancing dreams
of all I ever needed to be true
not found and lost
but lost and found and finding
its way to the great mystery beyond
and if I can only hold on
to these beats here in my heart
I will learn what it is to love
in shades of blue
beyond the ways 
we have been taught
to forget what we can see
and there I will be
looking toward the sky 
and knowing
I will never know again
what it is to be alone
because I will watch you rise
up through these breaths
from inside of me
dancing toward the moon
and falling again
as starshine and rainbows
and the warmest sun
and wherever I may be
I will always find you there
more than what I knew how to dream
in a dream that is nothing less
than a dream come true

if I could sing you sunrise
from this side of twilight
would you remember
this love has always
been true
and these fires 
have always burned
even in the darkest dark
when illusion
made them hard to see

but I cannot paint the sky 
that brings you into dawn
because I am mortal here 
with a spirit that can 
only long
to fall as light around you
and let you know
that you are loved
with all I have here for a voice

that rises from the fire
that knows nothing to do
but burn throughout
the changing of the night
and deep into the day
when you are hidden
behind the sun
as a star I will not always see
with these two eyes

but will forever find
there dancing in the flames
of the fire within my heart

Sunday, December 6, 2015

as I was dancing upward
reaching for Creation
in the spiral of existence
I found you standing
beside me
and there woven between
two dancers dancing
in the timelessness of time
were the threads 
of our energies
weaving us to strands
of the DNA of love
so that this is only evolving
in a connection 
that transcends
and transforms
to deeper and stronger
with every movement
we dance
dancing with each other
in the light of Creation
becoming more
with every remembrance 
and every lesson learned
and in every heartbeat 
beat with the intent of one 
the synergy of love
creating itself to more
than it was
in the tandem
of the endless journey
we share
the garden lies still
beneath the moon
and only the last trace
of the flowers remain
for us to remember
that they were ever 
here at all
but beneath the soil
held in layers cradled 
in the roots of their mothers
are seeds waiting their turn
in the way our love is now
preparing release 
from the pod 
and out onto the wind
and perhaps no one will know
what ever has been
in the time between 
this season and that
but when our seed
feels the warmth to ignite
into sprout once again
to make its way 
through the darkness 
and into the sun
the butterflies will come
to drink of the nectar
of what we have grown
in the timeless process of eons
learning and changing 
and coding our better ways
to regenerate to more
than what we have ever
been before
and this one time here
is the synergy made
of a strand in the spindle
of our love's DNA
another marker of when
we touched love so deep
we conspired to evolve it
to something much more
I've got the reins of this hot wind
between my hands
and I don't know how far
this pony can go
but baby 
let's just ride
like I am the lightning
and you are the thunder
with hooves pounding
through wildfires
that don't burn
but bring us alive
across the prairie
of stars
that howl through
the night
in and out of
the dimensions of time
where whatever 
is on our heels
can't touch us at all
because there's no stopping
there's just passing by
through this world
and that
while we hold each other tight
scorching the sunrise
into the sky
as fearless as lovers
with the courage of love
on a horse of hot wind
that no illusion can tame
when we are the wild
birthed from the night
so baby let's just close 
our eyes
and we'll ride