Sunday, October 23, 2016

I am perpetually scared
that what I want
could be real
and so I seldom
get what I want

I tell myself justifications
for myopia
like what I want
is to not be disappointed

but what is more disappointing
than dreams
that never come real

sometimes the amends
we must make
are for wearing the clothing
of ghosts
our naked truth obscured
in the familiar scent
of the perfumes
of the long long ago
and we can learn to sing
the songs that drowned in the seas
of their shrouds
or we can sing our own
but all that will reach the ears
are the echoes of before
and the best we can do
is offer the imaginary
of our imagined angel's wings
to comfort and heal
where the power of opportunity
has exposed its vulnerabilities
and hope we do not fall down
tripping on these dresses
that are not our own
when just because we dance
the same steps
does not mean
we are going where they
have gone

Saturday, September 10, 2016

somehow the feel
of warm tears spilling
on my cheeks
got all mixed around
so that when
the tears come
in that torrent
of surrender
lacking in violence
like blood pouring
from a ghost
I feel baptized
in the rapture of love
for the times
since you ascended
I have cried that way
for you

Tuesday, September 6, 2016

what will they do next
build a ceiling
to the sun
to charge us
for the necessity
of the light

just like they've damed
the rivers
until even the bears
can't eat the fish
and mighty waters
whither to dying streams

just like they build
their walls
to keep men chained
without the chains
to factories
and to fields

and fresh air
becomes a trend
enjoyed as social pleasure
like grabbing a Starbucks
or a beer

who was born
with the title in their hands
to claim the moon and stars
or the water and the ground

how does one hold deed
to this Mother Earth
who gave us life
and will take it back
and be here still
one million years
after the hands of greed
have turned
to dust

Monday, September 5, 2016

water breaks us
into this world

nourishes these bodies
so our spirits
may touch the earth
of creation

creates sacred portals
for life to emerge
in our wombs

bathes us
cleanses us
gives us the gift
of tears
so we may heal

and when we return
to the other side
it is water from the eyes
of those who have seen us
who will break our birthing
back to home

we are water
flowing from our own
long journey
from ancestor
to descendant

carrying also
the energy
of those who came before
through to those
who are yet to come

cleansing our generations

resilience circumventing

breaking back always
to the birthing
of our spirits
in the flow
of their good way

Monday, August 29, 2016

it is the peripheral sense
of warmth
that cracks the hard shell
of the seed
and sets the the tender shoot
to rising toward unknown
emerging from the safety
of the soil
stem dancing in its prayer
toward the songs of light
offered by the sun

but what is left unseen
is what submerges
into deep
the courageous
and ever delving anchor
that gives the willow
its right to wings
and the roots
that weave the grounding
to form purpose
of the inspiration
to aspire to the flight

and every leaf
that quivers
every flower that offers up
its moist and open mouth
every fruit that swells
and ripens
under dreams of kisses
of the sun
does not give of itself
what it has not first
nurtured in the depth
of hidden realms
dancing its secret dance
veiled within the layers
of earth internal
cloaked inside the dark

Sunday, August 28, 2016

if a lover has ever
painted you in honey

then you know what it is
to bathe in sweet

and if that same lover
has then starved you out
until pomegranates
turned to dust
and all you could do
was writhe in the hot sun
gathering sand
to the vulnerability
of your body
naked and exposed

then you know what it is
to bathe in betrayal

if then another
has tried to stroke your flesh
with gentle caresses
that only broke
the skin

then you know what it is
to bathe in your own pain

wait for the rains
they always come
even in places
where centuries pass

and learn what it is
to bathe in the cleansing of the healed

and when the last abrasive grain
has returned back to the earth

dress yourself in the perfume
of the flower of love
bloomed once again

pain is a poison
that sticks to the heart
and filters the eyes
so that whatever
we can't let go of
in the things we've left unsaid
cannot be cleansed
from festering in the mouth

but only wait in hiding
to ambush the first one
who penetrates the eyes
past what the automatic
brain receives
and ready to cut the throat
of the one to enter
the apocalypse
of our hearts

graffiti your grievances
in lipstick on your cracked
and fractured mirror

defile the virginity
of new paper
until it feels the carnage
of your pain
and the crisp white
is bloodied red

smear it
and tear it

baptize it's crucifixion
with your bitterest
of tears

exile it to the barrens
of a wasteland desert
where there are no witness
to summon its resurrection

burn it to ashes so fine
even the sand can't taste

but whatever you do
do not mistake
your opportunities
for release
by lashing the tender skin
of the one who creeps in
by chance
into the ransacked remnants
of the long abandoned home
that once housed the being
of your love

do not seek your revenge
or expect to find your healing
in play acting
with the innocent
by projection
and by force

singe your flesh
with the flames
of the incineration
of the demons you've ripped
from your own heart

expunge your eyes in kerosene
if that is what you must

then hide your scars
beneath crystal vases
filled with the flowers
grown from the excrement
of what you've shed
or hang the now closed wounds
up on your walls
without apologies

but whatever you do
be ready to greet
the gentle who wander in
as only what they are

and know because you have
set free the ashes
of what you never got to say
and because the wind has heard
and carried
those ancient wars away
you are free now
to sing new songs

to see with clear eyes

to move love
back into the empty walls
of the place you had to leave
so it may greet the truth
of the gift
of the one who has come
to make your heart
a home again

Saturday, August 27, 2016

the need to reprogram
should not be confused
with the need
for self love
when the fault
in the calibration
is not a sign of what
we have lacked internally
but of what has been
and what has been

with the stress
of the external environment
being what brings us
to extinction
or catalyzes us
to evolve

so that the love of self
cannot be appraised
by external measures
of what we display
of happy
but rather only defined
by the resilience
in the heart

whatever it means
that happy is
I'm still here

the socialist heart
thinks that what it gives
of love
will be made up
in what it should receive

the totalitarian heart
uses love as a means
to exact control
and exert authority
on behalf of
the ego's desires

the capitalist heart
does not expect
an equal measure
of what is given
for what is gained
but wagers it can exploit
more than the investment
put up of its own self

but this heart here
is pure fucking
free to love whoever
and whatever
it loves
without dependence
without externalized control
without being the prostitute
or the john

it was born to beat
and born to love

it has fought starved out rebellions
to reclaim this power
and the birth right
of its natural freedom

and here it stands
free of legislations
and restrictions
and middlemen

outside the realm of what
can be contracted
or imprisoned
or employed

free to love and shine
like a wild and raging
naked sun

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

what does not exist
is only what
has not been

if I'm starved out
it is because
I have forgotten
where I left
my mouth

and miracles
are the moments
when the honey comes
to parts the lips
to taste
the tongue

Monday, August 22, 2016

when you die
of loneliness
you stay stuck
in the life
you were meant
to live

a ghost
unable to touch
or be touched

it seems to me
that life
is made up of
let it go
let it in
and how well
we manage

Saturday, August 13, 2016

on a pilgrimage
to personal
mother fucking
where I get zen
with the holiness
of the words
"fuck off"

some people want to use
your past against you

if that's all they got to reach for
it's a pretty big sign
they haven't got past
the point of making
their repetitious
over and over again
their past

at least my past
is in my past

Thursday, August 11, 2016

there are no historical records
of Jesus from the time
they say he existed
which should
make one question
if he existed at all

but you know
who was crucified

the ancestors of Turtle Island
for refusing to surrender
their relationship
with the Great Mystery
and put their spirits
under the chains
of foreign and external

just as the free thinkers
and women healers
and pagans
and heathens
in other places
and other times
before them

that's a lot of sacrifice
from your ancestors
and mine
which ought to be
properly weighed
against one son
of the definable God
who was so true
his servants must now
control you
for you to understand
his truth

whereas those millions
who were crucified
in one way or another
as undeniably the children
of the Earth and Sky
knew they were
Creation's truth

so if you say
you're decolonizing
but you're a Christian
you might have further to go
than you think

Tuesday, August 9, 2016

I think maybe
atheists who claim
to love surrealism
are either lying
about their relationship
with spirituality
or their appreciation
of the art

don't trust them
especially those hipsters
they covet obscure tastes
like groupies collect
rock star VD

there is a difference
in judgement
and in challenge
where judgement says
you are wrong
but I am right
challenge asks
how did you build
this foundation
how solid is it
do you think this beam here
might work better there
would this brick
I have to offer
perhaps improve its strength
so it can hold us both

the often alone
are never alone
but the never alone
are often alone

Sunday, August 7, 2016

are we as humans so greedy
we willingly partake
in the lotteries of contrived
and stacked against us fates
eager to accept a system
that divides what was always
for everyone to share
taking the risk against
impossible odds
that leave us most often
confined to poverty
without the hope
of any emancipation
just to have our shot
at being a have all
instead of an I have not

or maybe it is arrogance
that makes us think
we're special enough
to claw our way
across that line
or that we deserve
to take more than our share
even as ours is being taken

or so insecure
we think we need a little more
to get us by
and show the world our worth

or is it the vulnerability
of being susceptible
to susceptibility
and the ways our dreams
can so easily be interchanged
with outside stimulation

when we could all
have it all
and still we risk it all
in a game that's dealt
from the bottom of the deck
for the chance to take
more than what we need
and leave the rest
with the not enough
of the dreams
our grandfathers had
that become the nightmares
of our grandchildren
yet to come

Friday, August 5, 2016

it seems to me
that some men
are of two kinds

those who cannot understand
the language of intimacy
without the presence
of sex

and those who do not trust
the ways that sex can turn intimacy
to the language of a trickster
to obscure the greater truths

so that some men must touch you
to feel love with you
and others can only truly love
what they will never touch

when sex medicine
administered on its own
is for those who have forgotten
how it is to really feel

and ethereal connection
in the absence of any more
is for men who fear the outcome
if they ever dared to touch

Inside Out

we're the outside kind
so you were disappointed
when I stepped in to dance
but I already knew it
before I laid my hands
upon that tree
and still it was where
I had to be
because sometimes
you have to step in to really see
what it is you're looking at
when you stand out
and you have to trust
that learning in the backwards way
comes more naturally
than dogma to our kind

I watched you watch me
for two days
above the coulee hills
even as I said
I was willing to let you go
if there was someplace else
you had to be
but you just stayed and danced
up there on the outside
not letting go of me

and on the third day
there you were
barefoot and dancing
by my side
and all that I could do
was laugh so hard I cried
like I had lost my mind
when we both know that crazy
is when you gain control
and learn to really see
and there you were with me
for only just one round
but so vivid I could see
with both my eyes left open wide

playing your tricks
the way you played
with the constructs of this life
you came inside to dance
beyond the ways
I carried you in
inside my heart
and we were there
in that sacred lodge
but gone
to some other ancient time
our own time
our own dimension
the way we always worked the best

and for us
no matter where we stand
inside has always been illusion
because outside is the only thing
that we can be
when our spirits decide
to loose themselves to free
and you danced me outside
to just the free
of the inside of our love
where my one inside to be
has always been
transcendent with the way
two outsiders learn to weave
their own realities
from the inside out
to outside in
in a dance of eternal love
that dances in and out
of wherever it wants to be

maybe before
we can really understand
just how good we are
we have to let go
of any ideas we have
that we have to be good
and what that all
should look like

maybe knowing your good
comes from being cool
with sometimes being bad
and losing attachment
to being either one at all
so you can just be
the way your spirit
is asking you to be

Monday, August 1, 2016

once in awhile
you'll fall in love
with someone
who is everything
that drives you crazy
and all the things
that you can't stand

but once in awhile
the truth is
you're really in love
with all those things
that drive you crazy
and the ways you are
none of those things
but subconsciously long to be
is where the origin
of the conflict lies

and what a shame
we go so hard
at the ones we love
instead of facing the fear
of what it takes
to change ourselves
and be the potential
of our authentic
beyond comfortable resistance
with the love of self it takes
to stand before our mirrors
and see what we are shown

what a shame
that once in awhile
we fall in love
with someone
when we are everything
that drives them crazy
and then so willingly
we surrender
and change
all the things
that they can't stand

look to where
your heart is drawn
then tell yourself
the honest truth
about who you are
and who you want to be

be that

and once in awhile
you'll fall in love
with someone
and they will
drive you crazy
with the ways
you are everything
that drives them crazy
and the mirror
will be a map
that charts the difference
between the destinations
and the departures

the inspirations
to make a change
or the reasons
to take a stand

Saturday, July 30, 2016

I'm trying to live in the now
between whatever
alleviates the past
and whatever doesn't
fuck the future up too much

somehow I'm pretty sure
I haven't got that quite right
but it gets me by
for now

Monday, July 25, 2016

will transcend
when the actualization
of intuitionalization
triumphs over
the cognitive dissonance
of the rationalization
of institutionalization

Sunday, July 10, 2016

the problem with man-u-fractured
is that it makes a factory
out of man
replacing the hu[e]
and the being--
the colour
and the spirit
of being
a hu-man-being

Wine and Blood

they say wine
is the blood of Christ
but look where the wine
has got us
and what the blood
of martyrs has done
with manufactured
and indoctrinated violence
guiding us to our graves

what if we just agree
that to suffer for the people
should come from humility
and we don't need
fermented joy
confined within a flask

but if we're going to
suffer for the people
make sure
we remember how to laugh
because there is nothing
worth suffering for
but love

and the world
has never been
a better place
because of martyrs
drunk on wine
and their own blood

I've always said that wisdom
was more important
than happiness
or love
or peace
because I've lived
so much without

but what is the point
of wisdom
if not to attain these things

when to live without
a sense of each
is to go without
a sense of wisdom too

Saturday, July 9, 2016

maybe it's not about
how much time
I spend in my head
but the time I spend
revolving and devolving
as the flip side of evolving
when it's up to me to decide
if I want to dance
with the wounds that bring me
downward in descension
or court the clarity
in the perceptions
of truth and healing
that raise transcendent
in ascension

Tuesday, July 5, 2016

Half Life

I lived half my life
with my spirit separated
from my body

I'm living this half
with my body separated
from my spirit

in the conversion of
zombie turned to ghost
and it's all about
escaping the pain

like the more of me
there is to feel
the more it gets too crowded
so I'm running it all
on a time share
kind of scheme

but then maybe the pain
isn't really so much to take
when it gets dispersed
between the both
of the body and the spirit

I think I'll have to
try that out
in the half
that comes after
the half I'm living now

Saturday, June 25, 2016

the only constant
that deserves consistency
is the desire to live
a good life

because sometimes hypocrisies
and inconsistencies
are not a lack of character
but the courage
to constantly seek
a better way

do not mistake the man
of fixed convictions
for one
who completely knows
his mind

when the fixed and unchanging
may master the simplicities
of their cognitive dissonance
constructed on foundations
of convenient lies

but the man with courage
to question himself
and let what emerges
from the mind
do battle with itself

and yet still can welcome
with the flexibility
to accommodate and host
the ever changing new
will always find himself
a little closer
to the truth

Thursday, June 23, 2016

pummelled by the light of stars
when all that I know how to be
is a shadow in the dark
a secret and hiding heart
with wolve's teeth to keep it warm
shielding with the viscosity
of its own blood
like there could be any outcome
other than the exposure that comes
when you pray to be really seen
but never have a say
on the parts where the illumination
is going to shine
and what is often seen the first
are the places you have hidden
so deep and dark
your eyes cannot withstand
the light that comes to touch
what has become comfortably blind
in the absence of the stars

if I come off as untrue
maybe that's just what comes
as the residual side effect
in inauthentic's form
when authentic means
the inconsistency
of feeling whatever it is
I feel
when I don't understand
or even know
what the hell it is
I feel

Standing Eight Counts

a fighter taught me once
we don't ask for mercy here
you stand your eight counts
when you gotta
but you don't drop down
upon your knees
so that I am learning even to pray
standing on my feet
to be ready to dance toward
an answer when it comes

and the ones
who will never pull a punch
are a blessing when you meet
cause it's the ones who get you
up against the ropes
who teach you to be quicker
on those feet
when there's no telling
what life is going to bring
so all you can do
is train to always win
where the battles are only lost
against the self
and never what you're up against

and in the scheme of things
there's only one way out
of this here ring
and so you have to learn
to take the blows hard upon the chin
and transmute the wounds to scars
or spend the hours on the mats
dying of the self-infliction
of the cowards and the weak
who don't know what it is
to face and then survive
and inherit from experience
the alchemy it takes to rise

no I won't ask for mercy
just gotta catch my breath
and while I'm standing eight counts
I'm sending up the warriors' prayer
that I will honour all the blows
that I have ever taken
and the places they came from
with the wisdom and the lesson
in what they had to teach
until I'm no longer a fighter
fighting against myself
but a dancer to my heartbeat
and the choreography of what it takes
to find the resilience and the grace
in every single test

Sunday, June 19, 2016

modern society
and its days with names
putting the consumerism
in the connection
and taking money
for the meaning
removing rituals
from their proper time
leaving us with disjointed
rites of loneliness
and mass market marginalization
when we don't quite fit
the status quo

billboard assaults
and TV indoctrination
misappropriation that imprints
its varying shades
of Stockholm Syndrome
tattooed on our souls
so that we plug a little further in
to the empire of New Rome
and celebrate the selling
of our own hard labour
to appease the Hallmark gods
with the thorough replication
of their plastic alters
of storefront windows
in our homes

and if that can't be done
just right
you can always buy
a magic make-it-better potion
and a special little pill
or gorge yourself
on genetically altered
poisoned processed feasts
designed to make you
Type 2 numb

but you'll be fine
if you remember the cure
is to buy buy buy
until you fit right in
or can hide the fact
you can't quite squeeze
into the one size fits all dictation
of where they've exploited
what is closest to our hearts
then found a way to market
our emotions back to us

and if the emotions
don't fit just right
for the day that they proclaim
they'll catch you
with the purported
alleviation of alienation
guaranteed as advertised
because everybody pays
for their celebration
or their pain
when it comes 
to the days with names

Friday, June 17, 2016

it isn't when we lose our minds
that we go crazy

it's when we wake up
and realize how long it's been gone
and how much of it is missing
and where it went
and get to wondering how in the hell
we're going to get it back

that's when the madness sets in

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

they say people don't know
when they're crazy

I know

in this perpetual motion
of insanity
where the clearer
the madness gets
the more of it I have
and the more of it I have
the clearer everything gets

maybe madness isn't about
losing your mind
but learning to use it better
because madness
is a thinking man's disease

and insanity
is just what naturally happens
when you can clearly see
the craziness of the world
and have to accept
the logical responsibility
in the knowing
that you're a part of that

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

maybe sometimes
dreams and aspirations
belong only to the ghost parts of us
when the toxicity of being human
can't find its way back
close enough to pure
for the manifestation of vision
and the human that reaches for the dream
can do nothing
but haunt the ghosts

Monday, June 13, 2016

in a world where people have sex
while they figure out if they want to date
where people share intimate details
while they decide if they want to talk
and then call that "friends"
when everything is moving
contrary to the natural order of things
it isn't fatalistic
but realistic
to think that while everyone is waiting
for the next step
there isn't too many places to go
but to regress
in the slow downward spiral
of the disease of digression
in the breaking apart of the fibres
of human connection