we see so little
of what is really real
so that we run around
filling in the blanks
with our own fears
and fantasies
and then we falsely
proclaim those to be
intelligence and intuition
because somehow that is easier
than working on the connection
of deeper communication
and opening our imaginations
beyond the limits of the walls
we've constructed for ourselves
and learning to live
within the world of truths
our constraints
have blinded us
to see

18 May (middle of the night)

I can see us
building sandcastles on the shore
not as girls who can only cry
over the crumbling inevitability
or rejoice at the spectacle of destruction
but as women wild with life
who hunger to be drawn beneath
the mystery of the waves
to see how far our depth can go

or as dancers under boardwalk lights
drunk and giddy
with the ebb and flow of moon
and swooning with the sound
of wolf howls emerging from the caverns
of our subterranean throats
fiercely threatening without intended threat
to the civil civility of the civilized
for the untamed in our eyes
and the unapologetic nature of our cries
that we don't give a damn

throwing our voices out carelessly
so they might reach
the sailers lost at sea
as witches or as sirens
or whatever they might dream

when we'll be only weavers
of baskets out of reeds
to catch the tired and failing
of every woman lush as fruit
ripe and falling from the trees
and with the resilience of our leaves
that don't just shed when they are tired
but have learned to bud again
let us be as makers
of ancient sacred salves
to soothe the bruising of our sisters
that are only seen by women's eyes
and nurse the hunger of their infants
born into this world
with knowing in the DNA
that there is danger if you cry
more than if you stand to starve

and let our backs be sturdy
with willows grown up through our spines
to carry our grandmothers
from imposing prisons
of the cartographic cage
of the patriot patriarchy known as wars
to the places where the waves make safe
and erode each line of border
that sailors sailed the seas
to draw there in the sand

when we're the singers
who do not sing temptation
but swim within creation
of the languages of truth
that open hearts to hear
knowing that each of us

has not one lonely and senseless tune
but rather her own synergetic part
of the harmony of the song
Creation sings
and let those songs join us all as women
moulded as a million grains of sand
held together in one single shell

and then when we forget
that there is mystery yet
calling for us to come to build
our castles of bitter/sweet impermanence
to erase the boundaries
of how defiance is defined
and dare do what we can
we can hold the shell up to our ears
and remember that the journey
was never about the lasting height
our imaginations can achieve
but how far what we have crafted
can be absorbed into the deep

my mother said my birth
was easy
that I came into this world
in only a few hours

but I have been emerging
into this unearthing
slowly through all these years
of pain and exhilaration
of ecstasy and fear

learning to surrender
to the journey
pushed by the contractions
of adversity
and swimming toward
the light

greeting the voices
in the beyond
coming into focus

searching out the balance
in the ebb and flow
of ancestral whispers
come as electricity
through the cord
that cannot be cut

and I will be birthing
as the moon unwraps itself
until I birth again
back into celestial womb
beyond the curtain
of stardust
from which we're made

an ocean with a thirsty mouth
straining toward the shore
to be drawn back and gathered
once again
coming alive
with every breath and heartbeat
and the journey
of each earthly step

everyone keeps talking
about the broken

who are these broken people

when people are either wounded
or scarred or healing or healed
evolving or devolving or revolving
the way the animate do

and in truth even the inanimate
objects of this world
are never really broken
only in a change of state

unless by broken you mean
cease to perform
their desired function

in which case people still
cannot be broken
except by capitalistic definitions
of what purpose is
as laid out by external perceptions

because the only true purpose
of the state of being human
is to navigate the change

maybe only the truth questions itself
like weeding its own garden
thinning what doesn't produce
and uprooting what's only been
hanging around to deprive the rest
of space and soil
and water and light

but lies are like GMO
prepackaged processed crap
cheap and on sale
and never enough
so that they need to constantly
tinker and manipulate
the DNA of themselves
with more sugar
so they can claim less fat

and if it has to have a label
to tell you it's healthy
it's probably not

I spend these days now
in forests and in barns
and anywhere I can hear
the music of Creation
without the voice of man
because that is where
I hear your voice
coming through as love
from far across the veil
and where I can finally feel
the tickle of the germination
of all the seeds
you left imbedded in my heart
the intimate whispers
between butterflies and milkweed
the miracle of innocence
being born
and the spectre of ancient spirits
who come out to dance
while the birds remain
undaunted and resilient
with their songs
because you were all
these things to me
and if I stay too long
amongst the chattering of men
I am scared that I will lose you
and the darkness of disappointment
left in the vacuum's wake
will turn me cold with anger
and blind to all the beauty
you once painted for me in songs
until my eyes could open far enough
that I could see it too

Missing you today my Starshine Blue. 

29 April 2016

sometimes the tangles
aren't in my head after all
sometimes the tangles are external
and a part of the sickness

infecting the universe
so sorting out what the hell is going on
just winds up making me sick

sometimes I have to trust my own clarity
because the sickness
wants me to think it is me
so I tangle my own head
and become bound
by its external false perceptions
and infected with my own self-confusion

there are no photographs
of us together
except for in my heart
those pictures of us both
lonely and thirsty
and insecure with a lifetime
of misunderstanding

hiding in the dark
seeking a place to be what we are
in the hours of the night
where the noise of the world
surrendered to the peace
to be as what we were

and then colliding
the two of us
in that dream
familiar in the scent
of lives lived so many times
in tandem
we could not will ourselves
away from the knowing
of each other

where we have learned
that to find oasis
is to rediscover the one
who dares to drink our waters
and satiate themselves with the risk
of offering the last few drops
that they have left to give

so that when we drank of each
we painted pictures inside
a heart of our creation
and more than me becoming you
or you transforming into me
we reunited with the womb
of our lost mother
but also created the promise
of a child that we could be

a spirit and a home
where we can live forever
just as one
no matter where you exist
and I must be
more permanent than the colours 

stamped on the fragile paper
of a photograph

in the ethereal monument
that lives and breathes and grows
with the love we remembered
how to share
and all the eternal nights we have given
the last of our light
just to taste the few drops left
of the sacrifice of love
that offers itself
only to keep the entity of itself
alive

while the world circles around you

singing loud with love

and gratitude

let me creep in between 

these secret lines

to lay beside you

just to hear the sound 

of your breath

and the beat of your heart

and bring you the song

of mine

here in this way

as a ghost

without the flesh

to offer warmth to you

but only these words

that play at being light

reaching out to kiss

starlight in the night

because if all we have

are energies

that ever can remain

these energies of my love

are whispering now

the secrets of their depth

dressed not 

in the made from earth

but these songs 

made of the breath and beat

of the heart inside

the spirit

of my heart

I hear the waft waft 

of wings all around

beating rhythms of the wind

fanning these flames

of this fire that drowns

in sizzle and burn

and rises again

up and down

dancing as hungry

and satiated

and roaring in love

birthing embers of eternity

and glowing and warmth

combusting beyond

the contained

raging beyond

the waned

and every flame

dancing here in this heart

is the spirit of you

here I stand on the cliff 

of the unknown known

as hollow bone as I

have ever been

waiting for when you rise

and I will leap

into the blue

where spiritual wings

are grown

and fear is only natural

but on the other side

of fear

is where the knowing

transforms from unknown

into known

and while I am learning

to fly down here

you will be the ethereal light

that warms my wings

from inside out

and outside in

the solar wind

a place to begin 

as something new

without an end

in all my breaths

are dancing dreams

of all I ever needed to be true

not found and lost

but lost and found and finding

its way to the great mystery beyond

and if I can only hold on

to these beats here in my heart

I will learn what it is to love

in shades of blue

beyond the ways 

we have been taught

to forget what we can see

and there I will be

looking toward the sky 

and knowing

I will never know again

what it is to be alone

because I will watch you rise

up through these breaths

from inside of me

dancing toward the moon

and falling again

as starshine and rainbows

and the warmest sun

and wherever I may be

I will always find you there

more than what I knew how to dream

in a dream that is nothing less

than a dream come true

if I could sing you sunrise

from this side of twilight

would you remember

this love has always

been true

and these fires 

have always burned

even in the darkest dark

when illusion

made them hard to see

but I cannot paint the sky 

that brings you into dawn

because I am mortal here 

with a spirit that can 

only long

to fall as light around you

and let you know

that you are loved

with all I have here for a voice

that rises from the fire

that knows nothing to do

but burn throughout

the changing of the night

and deep into the day

when you are hidden

behind the sun

as a star I will not always see

with these two eyes

but will forever find

there dancing in the flames

of the fire within my heart

as I was dancing upward

reaching for Creation

in the spiral of existence

I found you standing

beside me

and there woven between

two dancers dancing

in the timelessness of time

were the threads 

of our energies

weaving us to strands

of the DNA of love

so that this is only evolving

in a connection 

that transcends

and transforms

to deeper and stronger

with every movement

we dance

dancing with each other

in the light of Creation

becoming more

with every remembrance 

and every lesson learned

and in every heartbeat 

beat with the intent of one 

the synergy of love

creating itself to more

than it was

in the tandem

of the endless journey

we share

the garden lies still

beneath the moon

and only the last trace

of the flowers remain

for us to remember

that they were ever 

here at all

but beneath the soil

held in layers cradled 

in the roots of their mothers

are seeds waiting their turn

in the way our love is now

preparing release 

from the pod 

and out onto the wind

and perhaps no one will know

what ever has been

in the time between 

this season and that

but when our seed

feels the warmth to ignite

into sprout once again

to make its way 

through the darkness 

and into the sun

the butterflies will come

to drink of the nectar

of what we have grown

in the timeless process of eons

learning and changing 

and coding our better ways

to regenerate to more

than what we have ever

been before

and this one time here

is the synergy made

of a strand in the spindle

of our love's DNA

another marker of when

we touched love so deep

we conspired to evolve it

to something much more

I've got the reins of this hot wind

between my hands

and I don't know how far

this pony can go

but baby 

let's just ride

like I am the lightning

and you are the thunder

with hooves pounding

through wildfires

that don't burn

but bring us alive

across the prairie

of stars

that howl through

the night

in and out of

the dimensions of time

where whatever 

is on our heels

can't touch us at all

because there's no stopping

there's just passing by

through this world

and that

while we hold each other tight

scorching the sunrise

into the sky

as fearless as lovers

with the courage of love

on a horse of hot wind

that no illusion can tame

when we are the wild

birthed from the night

so baby let's just close 

our eyes

and we'll ride

what if we defied time

just this time

just for this moment here

and I'll be a woman

who loves a man

with the power to maker her

feel the volcanic heat of rush

with the soft somersault

of butterflies all fluttering inside

like back to the night

we talked of fire and ice

and all I wanted to do

was to burn in your words

let's just freeze time

for one moment to burn 

forget the world

if only just for now

and feel the adrenalin rise

as when love is first learned

then hold the tingle

against our lips

until the pulse of our hearts

swallows the magic 

deep down inside 

and then breathe

and let what must pass

pass the way that it must

with our little secret

that we've just made off

with this moment

stolen from time

I think you've made me believe

in angels come to this earth

in blue jeans

and a mouth full

of righteous words

shining like a light

that can't stop

on a mission

to make love the mission

radiating star seeds

like eruptions

from pods 

of knowledge and heart

with footprints

erradicating  

the scars of the earth

a magnet to bring

the wisdoms of stars

for the starved out and ready

to reclaim

the broken to healed

the alchemist of pains lived

into the gifts of loved

and lived

with every breath

lived from a heart

remembering what it is

distilling the sacred

back from what was mined

the builder of fires

ignited in spirits

needing to dance

with the inspiration

of Creation

touching the world

through the words and dreams

and actions

of an angel in blue jeans

son of the Earth

and son of the stars

gift of transcendence

liberator 

of our sacred powers

when I walked into the dream

I knew it would be a dangerous ride

before I even bought the ticket

before I knew if there was room

for me

but a million dollar smile

igniting starbursts in my head

and lighting shades of unseen blue

volcanoes inside my heart

and the cynic of me

was reduced to love right from the start

so it never mattered where we were going

wherever you were is where I wanted to be

cause you were what I

was always looking for

since you saved the child from 

the fear of her dreams

the miracle of all I could ever have prayed

everything my heart and mind and spirit

could need

and then you taught me how to grow

to be those things myself

and you are so beautiful

my beautiful dream

I don't know where we're going now

but wherever it is for you I will be

somewhere down the road

when I am done what I must do here

like cosmic osmosis

I will draw oasis back into my heart

to bathe it in love 

and all I have learned to be

and the mirror of what lies still in this heart

will reflect what your light

has done to me

and the beauty of what you have been

I can't stop falling

deeper into you

beautiful Starshine Blue

and when I think of the days

I dreamed only to feel the touch

of your hand in mine

now I can find the centre 

of the heart in my heart

has been touched by the centre

of the most beautiful star

and now there is light growing

in the place you have been

which means there are places of me

you have forever changed

as if the spirit was kissed

by the sacred breath of an ancient

more ancient than spirit

come to this earth in human form

and when I am just learning

to be what we are

I have forsaken the gift at times

for the want of kisses and touch

and forgotten the sacred and rare

you have brought to my world

and what you have given

in the daring to touch me

in these ways too intimate

for most here to dream

igniting super novas

in a timeless dance

to form a galaxy 

of this cosmic love

and the sweet solar whispers

of just how vast

a destiny without end

can be