I'm toxic as hell
just ask anyone
who tried to love me
but couldn't

and then others say
I'm a light
and bring me their needs
to be prayed for
and loved

and I can't tell
what the heck makes
the difference

is it what I have
or don't have to give
or maybe what they're
willing to offer
or what they
can't stand to lose

sometimes I think
the difference is in
the ones who really see me
and the ones who don't
with the seers knowing enough
to be afraid
and the ones who don't
being comfortably blind
when all that's on the line
is a temporary moment of need

or maybe it's all in what people
want me to be
and how well I deliver up
the version of me
that they seek

either way
the ones who don't want me
still want to feel close
when they need to feel close
to just the right amount
of anonymity that won't ask
for anything back

and the ones who want me
don't want me too close
because close can only be close
when it ain't